The Hardest Thing.

As most of you all know what happened October 20, 2013. My mother passed away in tragic car accident on I-15 down in Cedar City on her way home from Coral Pink Sanddunes. She had a great weekend with Her husband mark, step daughter emma (those two were in the accident as well)with My sister liz and her family with her inlaws. My dad and Kari, and little sister Shaelynn. I just want to remember what I felt and what happened. I know this is out to the public but I just want it down. So sisters if you read this please don't get mad at me. I need to do this.

It was a normal Sunday for lee and I. We were watching T.V trying to keep Rex asleep and we was sleeping so bad. So finally at 11 we got rex down for bed. So shortly after that I was ready to go to bed. My sister Stacee calls me and wakes me up around 11:30pm. She said "Megan are you awake? Shae just texted me saying Mom was in an accident and may be dead, but we are not sure, I am going to three way this call so hold on" let me tell you my heart and never dropped so bad and racing like it was. It was the longest thing ever waiting for the call to come through with Stacee and Shaelynn. I remember looking at Lee with tears streaming down my face not knowing what is going on and the confusion on his face, wondering why I am crying. Stacee and Shae finally come through the line. (this whole time I was on hold). Both of my sisters are crying. Shae just got the call from the hospital saying that our mother passed away in a fatal car accident, and that she was pronounced dead on the scene. I just remember Shae screaming "moms dead moms dead moms dead" and stacee sobbing for me. I just sat there in my bed sobbing and Lee came up to me said what happened I told him all that I know. I literally sobbed and sobbed for an hour. Lee just sat there and held me. About 12:30 am Stacee calls me and said we need to go to Spanish fork and be as sisters and we need to go to the farm. So Lee, Rex and I loaded up and went down to Spanish Fork. I asked Stacee does Liz know? Stacee said no we are trying to get ahold of her. Coral Pink doesn't have cell service. When we got to my Aunt Ruths house in Spanish Fork. I saw my Aunt Annie and I instantly ran to her. Not knowing what to do or what to say. Stacee told me that they finally got ahold of Liz through the Highway Patrol cops. They found my dad first and said that they need to find Liz and she needs to call Stacee asap. When my sister liz got the news they loaded up their trailer in a 1/2 hour and started heading home. Leaving their 2 oldest boys with Jasons Dad and Step mom Cathy. Liz and Jason got to Lehi about 7 am. Neither did my sisters including myself did not sleep at all that night. I mainly walked around or just sat and cried wanting to wake up from this horrible dream. About 6:30 I finally fell asleep to a text saying we made it in lehi. I woke up and went to stacee house. When I was getting ready i looked on KSL and saw the report and pictures of the accident. It was one of the most horrific accidents I have ever seen. The truck and trailer were destroyed. From what I know what happened Mark was towing two trailers with his old 1972 pick up. When the truck bed trailer started to fish tail. Mark slammed on his brakes and lost control. Mom was the only one wearing a seat belt. Mark was lifeflighted to a Vegas hospital and Emma was taken to a near by hospital by ambulance. So once I got to Stacee house, I guess they watched the news where the did footage of the accident. Liz was on the floor in the corner Stacee was on her glider chair and shae was on the couch. I didn't know who to go to. Not knowing what to do. How to grieve for myself or how to comfort my sisters. I felt so lost so confused. I thought to myself. Mom you know what to do. mom needs to be here. Then liz said seeing the video makes it worse much worse so Jason pulled it up on his phone and i watched it. Once I started to watch it i just remember falling to my knees not knowing how to pick myself back up. I was numb head to toe. I pulled rex out of his carseat. and just sat there with him on the floor since it was the only thing that could keep me from completely falling apart. Just wanting to Lee to be there ( he had to work until noon then he could come home). Stacee got a call from the medical examiner talking about donations and where the body should be sent to, Spanish Fork or back to Cedar City. We had to call Mark to make sure it was okay for mom to stay up here and be buried in Spanish fork. He told us yes. That is when all of the planning began. We started to work on everything. I don't want to go on about all the details to planning the funeral. It was just the most stressful most heartbreaking week of my life. Looking for pictures and only finding 2 of my mom with my baby. Something that will never happen again or in the future. As most of you all know, in the last few years my mother and I haven't been that close. And in the last 7 months since Rex was born we have been in the process of mending our relationship. It breaks my heart knowing that I didn't try harder to mend it. It kills me every day. Most of the week I wanted to be home hating the fact my mom and I were not closer. Hating myself for not trying. Couldn't be around my sisters when i know i needed them when just knowing their relationship was stronger with my mom then mine was when it was my fault and my fault alone. I really just felt alone. I didn't have a lot of memories with here during this year. Because I hold grudges just like the Rigtrup in me. I wanted to be alone I will not lie I really hated myself. I shut out Lee, My Sisters, and my best friend Myles(my cousin). I just didn't know what to do. I went back into my phone and found voicemails from my mom it was so comforting that my hoarding habits did something right. I kept every voice mail that my mom left me. Just hearing how much she loved me and how much she loved Rex and how much she cared. I don't know what it was but i snapped out of this hating myself daze and started to forgive myself. There was a moment that week when I felt my mom by me and I knew everything would be okay. That i need to be there for my sisters and that I needed to be strong for them since they were having a hard week since I distanced myself from them. I am so grateful for my sisters Stacee, Liz and Shaelynn. I am so blessed to have the sisters I do. They all are strong beautiful people inside and out. I am also grateful for Family and friends I got a lot of calls texts messages gifts from people that wanted to help out telling me how sorry they were. It made me feel so good to have so many good people, friends and family in my life. My moms viewing and funeral went good. The funeral was a lot harder then the viewing. I think my sisters and I were almost too immature to handle it. I cant tell you how much we laughed. I think we were just out of tears and all we could do was laugh at stupid things. After all that happened that week, we ended it with something I think we all needed. My nephew Jace turned 4 the 10/27. So the Saturday night we celebrated it all with a Family thing at Jack and Jills bowling with lazer tag and arcade games. We got laughing so hard during lazer tag we all enjoyed ourselves. Sorry this is such a long post. Here are some pictures from that week.

my sisters and i bought these flowers

we got these flowers from all my moms grandsons

First Fall For Rex

Fall 2013 Rex had his first pumpkin experience, Halloween, Grandma Williams homemade donuts, First trick or treating, First Halloween, and first pumpkin patch

He loved the pumpkin patch. we did want to go to cornbellies but it was way to busy for lee and I. So we just went to lindseys pumpkin patch in American Fork.

rex loved feeling the insides of the pumpkins he wanted to keep putting his hands back in and when we took him away he flipped. haha. So for Halloween we wanted to have rex be a vampire since his teeth looked so funny. but I liked baby Frankenstein instead.

7 months

Rex is 7 months old. Just this month rex has gotten 5 teeth. Both Laterals, Both bottom teeth and one front tooth. Poor guy had it rough. He army crawls all over, he loves real food not baby food. His weight is now almost 18 lbs. He is a busy boy. He loves Toby. His favorite words are Momma, Dadda, and Pup or Puppy. He loves car rides, Mickey Mouse, Cheetos, pancakes and Apple juice. He loves seeing and meeting new friends and plays well. He loves his cousins that are his age Blake and Rhett. Rex also had his first hair cut this month and his mullet is now finally gone.

He didn't know what to think of the clippers.

He loves his mom. and He loves the camera when ever anyone takes out a phone or camera he has a big cheeser and he loves looking at himself in the mirror.